Between my brother and I, mom is, “mommy,” and dad is, “daddy.” My dad is, “father,” “pop” (following after my brother), or sometimes, “Clyde.” I actually don’t like to say, “mom,” but I will say “dad.” “Mom” sounds too removed, with lack of meaning. I call my mom, “momma,” or “ma.” I’d say that the difference between the use of the two generic terms, “mom” and “dad,” are that of the gender. A father, a male, is more of a figure while a mother, a female, is more an entity. I actually find this point is proven more as my mom is referred to as “mommy,” a more endearing, childlike name, while my father has grown out of the term “daddy.” To continue on my point, a father as a figure, should adapt to the time, they are as consistent as a tool, and this is not to remove emotion. Majority of your time can be that of a growing experience, but the emotion will also grow with you, even without any conscious thought. For a mother, they are important for nurturing, which in my experience, comes in the form of childlike relations, the feeling of wings on your back, like a superhero. This emotion is much more conscious, for a female has craddling qualities that allow for comfort and pleasure.

My mother was the first lady. She ruled the country of Chinitz, and ironically the second lady is of an independent country, which only makes sense, for many reasons. With pleasure there is a new addition to our country, Sara Helen Elizabeth Chinitz – a new princess – she will be well taken care of.

Anyway, here I am on the next evening, Father’s Day itself, and I don’t want to write much more. The past has a thin line for its function of reminiscing. The main point is that I believe so much of what has made my father who he is, leans on my mother. Yes, he did make his own choices, before knowing my mom, that add to his character, but much of his humor, sense of class, and parenting, was found out with my mother in the picture, to my understanding. At his core he is dysfunctional, as am I, and this holds value although not many can see why, because they are scared to reach this level that we share, one of being a true child of nature. I really don’t mind how you perceive my tone, whether it is driven with ego or not, I would be wrong to not believe that what I see is with full clarity, especially for such a topic that is so dear to my heart. Anyway, what my father loves about my brother and I and, what brings such appeal to him, is half my mom, and one would be running from something if they believed differently. My mom is an ultra independent person, she is very smart. She is such an individual, that however one (myself included) may find she presents at this moment, it does not surpass all the positives to her little self, which shine much brighter… so much to the point that people are jealous of her, including her family. That is a complicated sentence but I shall move with due regard as I am on a public platform. I guess this fathers day, I think about who my father is, and I can only see my mom, and I know my brother probably feels the same way. Our country was so mighty, but it got flooded pretty bad, mother nature found herself conflicted with other areas of… science. Whatever.

Something that stands out a lot to me about my dad, is the look on his face and his body language when he is in certain situations. I cannot help but feel he looks deeply in thought, using energy to listen and have a response that is proper. I did not always think this was what was going on inside, I often felt he looked unapproachable this way, but all men seem to be unapproachable so at least he is present and with grace for what he is approached with. I can’t help but think about being in Italy with my father in 2023, his face and body language was much looser, like a kid in a candy shop. This contrast frustrates me a lot because he was born in the 60’s, you’d think at this point in his life he would find it mandatory to be loose. What gets me back on track, feeling happy for his present situation, is that just like a child, he does not want to stop and relax, he finds himself with enough energy to create anew and push himself physically. He is smart for this, it shows independent thought, like my mother, something so many people lack. I have also tried to figure a looser life (just to maintain the imagery that comes with this word) whilst with the responsibility that he has, that does not have to do with alcohol, and it’s quite unfortunate that it would demand extra monetary means. I have said previously that everything is double edged, and here it presents itself again. My father is a true jack of all trades, even those he has not been met with, do you know why? Not only the independent thinking, but the vast, thorough, interested imagination that he holds allows him to approach new situations with plenty advantage. Sure, he is a master of none, but who wants to be a master? That holds limitation. On the other end of things, when you have not focused on one thing for majority of your life, you most likely find yourself without the step up in society, monetarily. Our capitalist society does not allow for motion that is not monotonous, unfortunetly.

I appreciate the arm chair that presents itself as any other chair, but when that time comes, it falls back and gives you the support you need. Originally I associated this chair with my Grandfather on my mothers side, who was getting ill by the time I was born, it seemed to be his thrown. Although I love my grandfather very much, payed close attention to him and wish him a happy Father’s day, I never saw all that went into his deserving relaxation in the chair. For my father, he has reinvented this “man’s chair” for me. When I am concluding my day at work, and I think about calling my dad, I know sometimes he will be awake, but I do not call with hopes that his last actions were talking and laughing to himself in his chair, with a Peroni and Rachel Maddow on the tv. I am happy my dad has internal dialogue with himself (and this is for sure), maybe this helps him escape sometimes. I do not hope he acknowledges a need for escape as much as I think he needs it, because then I can’t help but think he is wasting his time. The only good thing about the shakey situation I currently see him in, is his daughter, Ms. SH. He loves his children more than anyone, and I know she brings him so much peace as she resides in the same home as him. It is so beautiful how much protection I know he gets from his children, and I do not see it as selfish. My mother blatantly shows a sign of feeling protected by my brother and I, even if it is sometimes hard to see. That is so wonderful, how equal we are as a unit.

Well, I think I have done a good job at staying present and not falling too far into the past. My father is Batman and Captain America/Superman all in one. He is currently what this society calls my “rock.” I am utterly grateful for all he has done for me, and I am growing with peace for the time when another rock falls into place. I hope so badly that my dear father gets to experience my own creation of a family, I am so eager for his guidance in parenting and a happy, successful, humor filled life.

I love you CJ! Love, Sissy.