They say I am chaotic… I am. They say I am crazy… I am. I mean if I was able to be there at one point, it will never go away, it’s a disease, but the finest disease you could ever catch. Most all my insanity has been filed down to truly exist internally, which means whatever you see in my presentation, is not even a 10th of its reality. It was very hard to gain control over such an atrouscious gal, but I wouldn’t take anything back… besides not having Dania (dane – e – a) in my life, of course. Hell, she is a major reason I was able to achieve such an impossible feat. Not because she’s not here although that doesn’t sound right to give that no power, but because she was my support, God in the flesh, my whole life. So I guess lets say, once she released me from a world too great to handle, it was my turn to find strength and understand the steps on how to create this world for myself, as Mr. Solo Dolo.

I am here to talk about this process a bit, it was relentless, the biggest plateau one has ever seen. Maybe a true plateau isn’t too realistic, but lets say it would take a machine to see the variation in effort – there was not much. I mean, what do they call it in psychological terms? Comorbitity? This was real although I have never shot up or smocked rock or heroin. I do have a strong inclination that I will not be able to die without induldging though. My first thoughts about pre death intervention were to shoot me up to space and let me suffer a slow death to be eye witness of the unknown but a very professional setup of inhebration for the oppotunity to unlock different dialogue, is another great idea. Anyway, I was a broken scale, with knowledge of a healthier, bigger picture, but with no means of achieving it. I did though. Six years no marijuana, 200+ days no alcohol, maybe 5 cigarettes and 10 puffs of a TECTONIC ETERNITY ALTERING vape device in the past 6 months. Redaction of a major diagnosis, shift of medication from one that gave me medically induced Lupus and hypothyroidism, loss of 20 lbs, and most importantly, my immensily big brained creative side, has grown a fruitful tree. Lets remind ourselves that I am going to get to how I am still crazy – even though I have begun to get incredibly tired – so I am not saying I am “there,” “perfect” or whatever words I am making up that negative people think about. I am just on an exponential trend.

It is morning now and as usual, I wokeup at 0600 and I was still there, comfortable and with serenity but now it is 0900 and I could care less. Let’s get to the facts. Where the craziness exists. Men (by age, not reality). An example, my family wants me on a proper date with any male I return home to talk about and it has never happened. This thought has infultrated me, how come I don’t have these experiences? Just two days ago, I said aloud, while sitting in the back of the Harp, “I need a boyfriend,” because I am a sniper with men (and women) and it distracts me – at the time I wanted to focus my mind more. Later that night, a very sweet gentlemen approached me and began to get to know me. The next day he expressed interest in taking me out. Very cool, he seems wonderful. I really have no interest. He is a tennis coach, I would love to play tennis with him, but I have no desire to break it all down right now. I am feeling extremely fufilled snagging these beautiful men’s thoughts and desires while analyzing if there is any potential on my end – it’s already a given that I am too good for them, they don’t have a chance – how incredible. I didn’t think I could ever make it here, but it feels wonderful. I mean I pull the temptation pretty far but if the experiences were to be readily available, who knows if i’d be scoping em out so well. Meaning, I am not whore so I don’t find myslef physically engaging to the extent you could think of (been two months and that whore is one I love to mess with so much, he is partially sent from the heavens). It is so wonderful to experience something so intimate and private with someone so beautiful, physically and without themselves understanding what it is about themselves while at the same time seeing right through them. Let me mention, I actually don’t know if I see right through them, I mean science tells me I don’t, they are solid, so that actually holds weight, but I am only here with myself so my feelings are all I can go off of, as I should. Anyway, this is a waste of time. I am having oh so much fun and truthfully, I am wondering if I am a Lesbian. I mean I could never do this with women, they have too much power over me but who knows, I definitely like a man as well.

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