Hi. This has to be quick because I have 4% on my computer and I am going to leave it in my room to charge while I progress on my sewing + Aaliyah journey.

I met a man at Salty Dog this afternoon named Jim. I do not know Jim but he was able to elicit a great train of thought that I did not even know was within. Sure, I had mentioned how one calculates error in mathematics, but I did not see my thought process on it as one to explain my interest in mathematics in general. To explain why I spent four years pursuing a Data Analytics degree, after going in for Psychology, failing General Psych and thinking that I observe enough psychology on my day to day therefore I don’t need to read it in a textbook. Honestly, this still holds weight. Fast forward to today, I am waiting to hear back from Graduate School programs where I intend to achieve my masters in Neuroscience.

Mathematics was remarkable. It was obvious that I did not understand as much as some who were born with this knowledge. I mean I am in complete misunderstanding of how some kids can breeze through arithmetic when it is so foreign. I had the disadvantage of taking advantage of my education in all my years, so I was not able to take high level math that would have definitely prepared me for Goucher College level mathematics, similar to my peers. I mean this is not for certain for I am pretty sure before there was ever the wrong path, I was never programmed to care for a second about school. This is major in terms of my philosophical development, one that begin without me being aware at all. School may be needed for language development, which is needed to present ones self just enough to reach another human being and either teach for profit or work for profit. Let us not harp on that too much, we can get to that a different day.

Why did I choose math? Sure, the sound of it is wonderful and people see it as a renowned ability but that is a social construct. Anything is possible, absolutely anybody can be good at math. This was a drive for me, a decision made from wanting to prove something to myself that I believed. Now, I surely did not excel, but believing in myself was a process I was getting much experience with, and it is mighty powerful. There is always a reason, whether you are able to identify it or not, now or in the future.

This conversation was brought up today when I was asked what level of math I reached in College. I have no fucking idea. This is when error came into mind. I was honest, I am not sure what one would identify as the highest level of math, I mean all of it is objective, technically. I did mention that residual error caught my attention, which it did, but I never dove deeper into it in the classroom, I don’t think. I do know for sure that it always stood out. This is where my brain goes in the right direction. Could I say this is along the lines of logical thinking? Now, I talked mainly of the integration of mathematical equations into life, a life heavily influenced by humans, but it is important to note that mathematicians tend to go a bit further in deciphering that that has nothing to do with humans, so they say… is that even possible? Each and every discovery is by a human, does that call for inherent influence due to the understanding through all senses of that that they are presented with? What is definite? What is enough research? What is enough trial and error? When do these answers get the space to change? Who is able to determine these answers? Who is able to determine who puts these people who are able to determine these answers into that position? Etc. I find that error is everywhere and that may be the most interesting part of mathematics. You explain a multi-variable function, but where is the consideration of all possibilities? In the error? If x and y are defined, where is the space? In the error? Tell me where I am skewed in my understanding, but from my experience, there is always the proper consideration of error, but never a human discussion about its effect. Well, actually, there is a verbatim sentence delivered. Math is a lot of dictation. As I think about my Grandfather Richard, I think of the little I know about his major use of energy, at IBM. It seems as though that company, similar to NASA… has a great deal of success with their knowledge on mathematics, and I wonder how error effects them. There obviously does not seem to be much talk on this topic, so they are probably fine. This leads me back to the thought that everything they can think or touch is influenced by human beings. How much can an environment hinder your free thought, i.e. change? How much error can their be in a work environment? The color of the walls, the smell of the bathroom, the temperature of the water, the light, the curriculum taught to bosses on how to be a leader, coworkers… I am curious on the equation for this? I already know I have a lot of questions, because considering human behavior is filled with open ended possibility, I think the answer would be one that would bring much error.

What do you think? This is one of those I would be better at having a verbal discussion about, and making it clear that there is a reason for all I spit out, but it may not make sense to you or even me at first. Do not be too quick to think you understand, I could surprise you.

TTYL