COSMOS CHAOS

Setting the scene: 3PM on a Monday in May – a clean 70 degrees outside, sunny.

I’ve just got home from a trip to Lennox Hill Radiology for an MRI of my left wrist, The Bowery Mission where I meal prepped for dinner, and Accurate Photo where I spent $50 (of course), developing two rolls of film, hard copies of one roll, and buying my next roll (of course).

I meet my Aunt at the hair salon where my grandmother is getting a haircut.

I thought I was doing better with my emotions towards my Aunt after an experience that happened on Wednesday (April 29th) but I guess not. I was rude to my Aunt before I left the salon to meet them back home. Being rude is always uncalled for. An individual is not responsible for another’s consequences, only their own future decisions. I should have known that that interaction could be a catalyst to a more brutal exchange but instead I just tunnel visioned on all my actions being fair due to how i felt – this is not a reality.

I’m trying to figure out how to explain the further instigated event, caused by me, without giving a boring story, although most would probably want some popcorn if they were witnessing such entertainment.

In conclusion, I backhanded the expression of my emotions to my aunt, someone who quite literally does everything for me, and that did not sit well with her. Now most of the time, recently at least, I have been good at remaining calm, but my cousin and I have concluded that this may be due to the medication that I was on – medication that could tranquilize a horse. In my defense, I have not been exposed to such an emotional case since I have changed to more subtle, emotion baring medication, so lets say this was a teaching moment for how my brain can indulge in a turbulent comprehensive event these days.

Things were not good. There were two witnesses who are not family, people we don’t even know a year. My family tends to blackout when we argue. Other people do not exist. There’s power in that, honestly… I kind of like it… but thats another, selfish world to discuss.

Maybe I hyped this up for not much of a punchline but that’s okay. The important thing is that my aunt and I apologized to each other, shared a big hug, and she listened to me explain myself when really I should have just taken a break from speaking. She is good, she really is. I undermine the power of a fully grown adult, no matter what I really think of them.

Also, I am not kicked out of my house, and I imagine I will still be able to fly down to Florida for a few days. That is wonderful. Luxurious honestly. Let’s hope I did enough overtime to really reach into this opportunity and ring it out.

Talk later, okay?

❤